


and up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

by acousticirwin



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comfort fic, Fluff and Angst, M/M, ashton's afraid of storms, boyfriends are cute together, cute and fluffy, such cute much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 19:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4360814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acousticirwin/pseuds/acousticirwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that Ashton's afraid of storms. It's not. It's just. He kind of is. </p><p>Or the one where Ashton is afraid of storms and Michael comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliciaxadrienne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliciaxadrienne/gifts).



> This was so, so nice to write. Honestly, probably one of my favourite oneshots I've ever written. 
> 
> This is unedited I think, but I looked over it and it looks alright. Please point out any mistakes you might find! :-)
> 
> Enjoy!

It's not that Ashton's afraid of storms. It's not. It's just. He kind of is.

 

It's not just the simple 'I'm a little afraid of storms' afraid, it goes to the point where during a storm he hides under his sheets and doesn't resurface until the morning after. And like, he knows that it's a little childish, but he can't exactly help it. He's tried distracting himself, he's tried going to a doctor, hell, he even tried simply ignoring the storm. Nothing helped, and Ashton has reached the point where he's simply given up trying to do something about it.

 

It's just that every time he tries forgetting his fear, old memories resurface, back from his early childhood. And really, it shouldn't affect him anymore – he's a man grown, after all – but it still does and he just can't forget what happened. 

 

He's never had the chance to tell the boys about it, it hasn't ever come up during one of their conversations, and they don't encounter storms that often. And when they do, Ashton just always hides in his bunk or hotel room or  _ anywhere _ , and so far nobody has noticed anything. 

 

But of course, everything nice must come to an end. While Ashton gets himself ready for the upcoming night in his and Michael's shared hotel room, he remembers that one of their crew members had told them earlier that day that there would be a storm tonight. And here's the thing – while Ashton might be a grown man, he still carries around a stuffed bear with him when they go somewhere. It's childish, and he knows that, but that stupid stuffed bear at least eased the pain a little.

 

Unfortunately, Ashton can't seem to find said bear while rummaging through his bag. Not even when he flips it over and empties its contents all over the floor. The bear is nowhere to be seen. Ashton feels his throat tighten and he swallows. No. This can't be right. There's no way he forgot it on the bus. No fucking way.

 

Ashton glances at his watch and sighs. 11:42pm. None of the crew members would be awake at this time and willing to go to the bus with him and unlock it so he could get the bear. And like, there's a reason neither him nor his band members aren't trusted with a key, so he can't just ask Luke to give him his key. There's also the problem that he'd have to explain what he wants from the bus at this time of the day, and he'd rather not pour out his heart about his deepest fears, thank you very much.

 

“What the fuck did you do, Ashton?” Ah yes, Ashton had forgotten about Michael. While he turns around, he hastily tries to make up an excuse, but he gives up that idea as soon as he looks into Michael's eyes. Michael's only wearing a towel around his waist, and despite them being quite close, he still gets flustered whenever seeing Michael shirtless. 'Close' is an understatement, the two of them have been in a relationship with each other for the better part of a year.

 

“Aren't you gonna tell me what this is,” Michael says, gesturing towards the mess Ashton had created on the floor.

 

“I was... uhm... searching for something,” Ashton replies sheepishly.

 

“Clearly,” Michael snorts. “What were you searching for?” Not breaking eye contact, he sits down on their shared bed.

 

“It's nothing, really,” Ashton tries to play it off and grabs some of the shirts that he'd previously thrown on the floor and puts them back in the bag.

 

“Ash,” Michael says, and Ashton knows that Michael knows something's up. “You're normally not like this, what's wrong?” When Ashton looks up to Michael again, he sees the look in Michael's eyes, and immediately knows that he can't get himself out of this one. Michael pats the spot next to him on the bed and despite Ashton sighing wholeheartedly, he gets up and lets himself fall down next to Michael. He curls up to his boyfriend and lets his head fall down on Michael's chest. Almost right after, Michael's fingers find their way into Ashton's hair and he sighs contently.

 

“Now tell me what's wrong,” Michael presses, gently but with a certain force behind it.

 

“It's... it's really embarrassing,” Ashton answers, and he can feel himself starting to tear up. He hopes Michael won't notice, but if the way Michael's fingers tighten in his hair are any clue, he failed.

 

There's a moment of silence between the two of them and Ashton can hear thunder rumbling in the distance. Great.

 

“I'm sure it's not that bad, Ash,” Michael says, and Ashton almost snorts at the thought of this conversation somehow not spiralling down the wrong way, and he tries to imagine a scenario where it doesn't end up with Michael laughing at him. He can't come up with a single one.

 

“It is though,” Ashton says, annoyance dripping in his voice along with that bit of hidden sadness that always seemed to be present when he started to talk about something personal. “It's really embarrassing and I'm at least 135% sure you're gonna laugh at me if I tell you.”

 

“What if I promise not to laugh?” Michael asks, and really, he's just making things worse.

 

“You'll laugh anyway, I know it,” Ashton answers, hiding his face in Michael's shirt and breathing in his scent – a mixture between the apple shampoo he uses and his natural scent, which smells vaguely like honey. Ashton spends too much time smelling Michael.

 

“What if I-” “Alright I'll tell you, stop bugging me about it!” Ashton snaps, and Michael's fingers come to a halt in his hair. “Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you.”

 

He looks up to Michael apologetically, but his boyfriend just smiles down at him and continues kneading his scalp. “I know you didn't mean to.” He briefly strokes over Ashton's cheek. “Now tell me what's bugging you.”

 

Sighing, Ashton twists his head around again and chooses to look at Michael's abs instead of his face. “I... I can't find my stuffed bear.” Silence follows, and Ashton's just about to get up when Michael says something.

  
“What do you mean  _ stuffed bear _ ?” 

 

Immediately, Ashton feels his cheeks flush. “Never mind, it's nothing. I shouldn't have said anything,” He gets up, thinking about jumping out of the window or something like that when he feels Michael grab his waist and pull him back down.

 

“I've known you for a while now, Ash,” Michael says, hugging Ashton close to his chest. “I know it's not  _ nothing _ .” Being the smart guy that he is, Ashton sees that Michael won't give this up and sighs. 

 

“I was searching for a stuffed bear.” He says, burying his head into Michael's neck and deeply breathing in. Again, he should stop with the weird smelling. Concluding from the sounds Michael makes, he's confused.

 

“Why were you searching for a stuffed bear?” Michael asks, pausing and then adding “You know I'd never judge you for anything, right?” 

 

“It's really embarrassing, actually,” Ashton replies quietly.

 

“Did you hear what I just said?”

 

“Alright...” Sighing, Ashton begins. “Well, basically. I've had this stuffed bear for a long, long time now, because I... I don't even know, it's  _ so _ embarrassing, god. It's not like it actually does anything...” He pauses. “I don't know how to explain this without sounding like the biggest wimp the world has ever seen, but,” He takes a deep breath. “Basically, I am afraid of storms and I usually cuddle with my tiny stuffed bear when there's a storm, but I can't find it and I'm freaking out because I must've left it on the bus.” 

 

And alright, that's a lot to process, so he gives Michael some time, while he feels the other boy breathe under him, his chest going up and down in tune with his heartbeat.

 

But when Michael hasn't said anything after a minute of silence, Ashton starts to fidget with hands while his insecurities creep up again.

 

“Right. I should probably just... uhm... Go. Or something,” Ashton says quietly, and gets up. “I'm just gonna go ask if I can sleep with Luke for the night.” He packs up some essentials, like his phone and its charger, and turns to leave through the door.

 

“Wait,” And of course, because Ashton is a lovesick fool, he waits. “You don't have to leave.”

 

“I kind of have to, though. I just told you a really embarrassing thing about myself and you're not even saying anything about it.”

 

Clearing his throat, Michael replies “I just don't know what to say.”

 

“I did tell you it's really embarrassing, but you wouldn't believe me,” Ashton turns around and faces Michael. “And really, I shouldn't have said anything because yes, I knew it was an embarrassing thing, but now that I've gone and actually said it. It's just... I feel like drowning myself in something, preferably a bathtub.” Or maybe his tears. Yeah, drowning himself in his own tears sounds just fine. Very melodramatic.

 

There has been few occasions where Michael was able to surprise Ashton, and now is one of them.

 

He gets up, walks over to Ashton, and – hugs him.

 

Perplex, Ashton doesn't move. Neither does Michael. “It's okay, y'know. Being afraid of something is nothing you have to be ashamed of. Not even storms. I'm serious, Ash. It's okay.” And really, that really was something he needs right now, and he hugs Michael back. Michael leads them back to the bed, and gently lays them both down on it. Putting Ashton's head on his chest, he slings one arm around Ashton's waist, the other one buries itself in Ashton's hair and strokes it gently.

 

“It's okay, Ash. It really is.” They lay there for a while, until Michael suddenly jumps up, startling Ashton in the process. He digs around in his suit case for a bit, his back towards Ashton so the other boy can't see what Michael's looking for. When Michael finally emerges his hand from the suit case, he is holding something in his hand. More precisely, a stuffed lion.

 

“Michael, what-”

 

“Daniel. You can just use Daniel.” Grinning, Michael gets up and throws the bear in Ashton's direction. Ashton catches it, still confused.

 

“Why do you have Daniel in your suit case?”

 

Michael shrugs. “Never took him out.” Laying down on the bed once again, he moves Ashton so that they're lying in their previous positions again. “C'mon now, you can cuddle him. He's not going to break.”

 

Still confused, Ashton reluctantly cuddles the bear to his chest. “But why do you keep him in your suitcase?” Above him, Michael sighs.

 

“We all have our fears, you know. I just get homesick sometimes, and as silly as it sounds, but cuddling a stuffed animal really helps sometimes.” Ashton nods, because he definitely understands. They sit there for a while, just enjoying each other's company. No words are needed, the silence isn't uncomfortable.

 

“Ash?” Michael eventually asks.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why are you scared of storms?” Ashton sighs. He had known Michael would eventually ask this question. He had just hoped it would've been a bit further into the future. Nevertheless, he tells Michael the story.

 

“When... when I was a little child, my preschool class and I went out to the park. It was a sunny day, and I played with some other kids, fed ducks, that kind of thing. I climbed up a tree, and stayed there for a while. I fell asleep, and when I woke up the sky was dark, and nobody was to be seen in the whole park,” He takes a deep breath, voice shaking slightly. “I searched through the whole park, but I couldn't find my class, nor any other people. Fuck, I – I didn't even know how to get home, I was completely lost. And while I was searching how to get out of this god-damned park, a storm started brewing up. I didn't know what to do, because I was never told what to do when stuck outside during a storm. So I just – I just sat down beneath a tree, hoping the storm would go away quickly.” Wiping away a few stray tears that had fallen down his cheeks without his permission, he continues.

 

“It didn't. It was a big storm, and within a few minutes, I was completely soaked from the heavy rain. Then the thunder and lightning started. A - and – and when the storm was directly above the park, lightning struck the tree next to the one I had sat down beneath. Fuck, Michael- I've never been so scared in my life. You can't imagine how I felt in that very moment. It just felt as if - as if the world was coming to its end. And I just didn't know what to do, so I screamed. I screamed until lungs gave out, and some random stranger found me, a child beneath a tree when the next one was on fire, crying his eyes out and screaming at the top of his lungs, all during a storm.” Looking up to Michael's face, he finishes. “That's why I'm afraid of storms. I just imagine that something will be struck by lightning, and that I'm going to die.”

 

“Fuck, Ash-,” Michael starts. “That's horrible! Now I get why you're so afraid. Can I make you feel any better somehow?” Smiling, Ashton shakes his head.

 

“Just being here, being here for me, is helping me a lot right now.” Now that Michael knew, he'd always have someone to go to, someone who would understand, someone who wouldn't judge him. Maybe things were going to be okay.

 

And suddenly, the storm didn't seem so frightening anymore. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @starrymikey :-)


End file.
